Parenthood
by Kaede-tama
Summary: "It's not a real baby - just an infant simulator." Matthew figures out that this assignment isn't going to be as easy as it sounded. Especially not when his partner is Gilbert. Gakuen AU, Gilbert/Matthew
1. Chapter 1

**Parenthood**

(and how Matthew Williams and Gilbert Beilschmidt mastered it)**  
**

. . .

**Chapter one**

**Name: **Matthew Williams  
**Age: **16**  
Year: **Junior  
**Current class: **Child development  
**Current mood: **Stressed  
**Status: **So late...!

* * *

"I-I'm here!" Matthew Williams gasped, stopping himself in the middle of the doorway to the classroom, his elbow banging painfully against the frame. His other arm was curled securely around an armful of books.

As usual, the whole class ignored him, only a few stopping in their conversations to glance at him with mild interest. His teacher, Ms. Braginskaya, looked over with a smile. "Nice of you to join us," she chirped. "Go ahead and pick a seat, I'll be telling you your assigned seats later."

Matthew nodded quickly, breathing slightly labored as he took his seat in one of the desks in the far, far back. Ms. Braginskaya was already starting to introduce herself to the class.

"Dude, already late for class on the first day of school?"

Matthew visibly slumped in his seat. "Not in the mood, Al," he said gloomily, trying to focus his attention on the teacher. He reached up to run his fingers through his hair and tugged on a knot irritably. The fact that he was late was completely his bear's fault - not that the secretary believed him when he told her. And for once, his adoptive brother Alfred was earlier to school than he was.

Alfred snickered before leaning over to slap him on the shoulder good-naturedly. "Chill, I think the teacher will let you off the hook. She looks pretty nice..." The blond trailed off, eyeing the older woman up front.

Rubbing his shoulder, Matthew sniped back, "You only think so because of her boobs." It was true: Ms. Braginskaya was a rather...large woman, in terms of bust.

Alfred nodded solemnly. "You're probably right," he said, not once taking his eyes off of Ms. Braginskaya.

Matthew sighed in resignation, still unable to undo the knot in his hair. He dropped his hand rather loudly on his desk, creating a loud thump and effectively silencing the whole class. Nine pairs of eyes(they were a small class) landed on him, not including Alfred's, who was too busy trying to stifle laughs.

Ms. Braginskaya smiled. "Is there a problem, ah..."

"Matthew," Matthew supplied.

"Matthew," Ms. Braginskaya amended. "Is there a problem?"

The Canadian shook his head. "No m'am," he answered dutifully.

"All right then!" Ms. Braginskaya clapped her hands and smiled even wider, if that was possible. "I'm sure you're all just itching to do something else other than just sit there, so we'll start class off with your assigned seats!"

Matthew was glad that that meant he could sit away from Alfred. He loved him and all - they'd been in the same orphanage and was adopted at the same time by their fathers - but sometimes... Well, sometimes Alfred was a pain in the ass.

The students stood from their seats and lined up against the wall as the teacher called off names and pointed to desks. Matthew shifted his books in his arms a little awkwardly, half tuning in to Alfred's mindless babbles about hamburgers.

"Matthew!"

He jolted, blinking at his teacher.

"Right over there." Ms. Braginskaya gestured to a desk two seats away from the window and on the second row.

Matthew obediently shuffled over to his place as more names were called, looking around interestedly at who he would be sitting next to for the first semester. To his left was a long-haired brunette with striking green eyes. From what Matthew could see, she had bangs that were combed to the right and pinned in place by a clip. She wore a black-and-white polka dotted shirt and simple jeans and her attention was captivated by a book in her hands, except the occasional glances to the right. Matthew didn't remember seeing her before; he wondered if she was a new student.

On Matthew's right was a boy with neatly combed dark hair. He wore a light blue dress shirt, pants, and had rectangular, dark-rimmed glasses perched on the edge of his nose. Matthew vaguely remembered his name to be Roderich, only because Alfred often insisted on butchering his name and instead calling him 'Roddy.' Roderich was leaning forward on his desk, cheek resting on the palm of his hand as he stared somewhat dreamily in Matthew's direction.

A little perturbed, Matthew scooted back in his seat. To his relief, he figured out that Roderich was actually looking at the brunette to Matthew's left, who seemed oblivious.

Matthew was about to take out his own book to read when something small and yellow was thrown over his shoulder. It landed on his desk and rolled around a few times before stopping. Matthew picked it up curiously and studied it. It was a small eraser in the shape of a baby bird.

He twisted around in his seat with the intentions of returning it. "Is this-" he began, only to stop when his eyes locked with ruby red ones, voice dying out with a small squeak.

The red-eyed boy was smirking, platinum blond hair shining slightly from the rays of sunlight coming through the window. He cocked his head to the side, still smirking, eyes gleaming with what seemed like amusement.

"I-I th-think this is y-yours!" Matthew said, though he said it so quickly that he doubted he was understood. Then he practically throwing the eraser back at the other and turned hastily back to face the front, cheeks burning bright red.

He was stuck often in front of their busty teacher, flanked by two students with high sexual tension, and in front of a creepy person he'd later come to know as the boy who would 'invade his vital regions.' At least Alfred-

Oh, wait, his brother's seat was diagonal to his. Fantastic.

As if the situation couldn't get worse, he felt a pencil slowly drag itself down his exposed neck, almost teasingly. He regretted forgetting his hoodie at home.

Yes, things were just _perfect._

* * *

**Name: **Gilbert Beilschmidt**  
Age: **16**  
Year: **Junior**  
Current class: **Child development**  
Current mood: **Conniving**  
Status: **First day at a new school... Everyone, get ready to have your minds blown by the awesome me!

* * *

Gilbert wasn't too fond of constantly moving and switching schools. The only thing he ever liked about the idea was that he got to introduce himself to a lot of new people in different ways, and their reactions was always worth the trouble that he'd get into almost everytime afterward. He was especially liking this 'Matthew's' reaction.

The red-eyed boy took one of his pencils and reached forward so that its tip rested on Matthew's bare neck and dragged it down, taking his sweet time. Gilbert prided himself in the way the blond shivered. When Matthew did nothing to confront him, Gilbert only smirked more and repeated the notion, this time tracing letters on the skin: _Hey there._

Through wavy blond strands, Gilbert saw his ears turn red. Only encouraged, Gilbert started tracing down the nape of Matthew's neck to the spot where it met his shoulder, pushing the neckline to the side slightly in order to get farther.

"Now that everyone's in their respectful seats, we can get started," Ms. Braginskaya said, beaming around at the room. "In this class, you'll have only one assignment." There was a bout of cheers. "There will be no tests or quizzes either." More cheering. "The only thing you'll have to do in this class is, of course, learn about a baby's stages of development...and actually take care of a baby yourself!"

At that last sentence, Gilbert paled. The rest of the room had matching reactions; there was silence.

Ms. Braginskaya seemed deterred by the sudden change of atmosphere, but she continued. "Don't worry, it will be fun!" she assured. "You'll get to pick one other person to take care of the baby - which will just be an infant simulator - and, here's a deal, I'll let you pick your partners yourself." When two blond males holding hands gave her a death glare, she added, "Same gender partners are allowed, too!"

After another tense silence, she laughed nervously and said, "You guys can even pick your partners today, if you'd like..."

The whole burst into activity as students paired up with the person they found most bearable. Gilbert straightened in his seat and was about to reach over, tap Elizabeta on the back, and ask her to be partners(aside from his brother and Feliciano, she was the only person he knew in this class) when another kid beat him to it. Gilbert watched as the boy with glasses cleared his throat before asking politely if she'd like to be partners.

Gilbert suppressed a snort and turned, hoping Feliciano would want to be partners, but of course, the Italian had already paired up with Ludwig. Gilbert snickered fondly when he saw his younger brother blush but accept Feliciano anyway.

When Gilbert started to contemplate just sitting there and waiting until someone asked him to be partners, he got a very bright idea, which involved a certain blond with glasses and went by the name of Matthew. He caught sight of him standing with two other people and bravely strolled over.

"Sorry Mattie, Kiku and I are already-" What was his name? Oh right, Alfred. Alfred grinned when he saw Gilbert. "Hey, you can pair up with Gilbert here!"

"Who wouldn't want to be partners with the awesome me?" Gilbert agreed, though he had no idea how the fuck Alfred knew who he was. He smiled like a Cheshire cat, wrapping an arm semi-casually around unsuspecting Matthew. "You'll be my partner, right?"

Matthew squeaked and turned a bright shade of red. "Eh? I-I don't know you!" he exclaimed.

"My name's Gilbert," the red-eyed boy said, still smiling. "Now you know, and we can be partners."

Matthew seemed to look over to Alfred for help, but Alfred was already dragging Kiku up to the teacher's desk, where, to Gilbert's amusement, Ms. Braginsky had pulled out a box of infant simulators and begun passing them out.

"Well, it looks like I have no choice," Matthew mumbled.

Gilbert shook his shoulder. "That's the spirit!" he crowed, steering the smaller boy towards Ms. Braginskaya. "You look like you're about to pass out, so I'm going to take this moment to let you know that I'm not going to perv on you." Lie. "And since I like to plan ahead," Lie, lie, lie, "whose house are we meeting up at after school?"

Matthew's head shot up to give Gilbert a half-terrified, half-shocked look. "What?"

"We're taking care of a baby, right?" Gilbert said with a frown. "I want it to have a good environment, thank you very much, and have it grow up with _both _parental figures!" Yes, he had no shame indeed.

Matthew seemed to stunned to reply to that. After they received their very own infant simulator(which looked like an average baby doll) Matthew muttered, "We can come over to your house, I guess..."

Gilbert grinned again and ruffled Matthew's hair, earning a I'm-pissed-at-you look. "Great! I hope you use the bus, 'cause I'm driving you home with me. Luddy won't mind."

"Luddy?" Matthew questioned.

"My little brother over there." Gilbert gestured to the tall blond man and Matthew nodded. "Hey, we should name our baby," he said suddenly, turning his attention to the fake infant in his arms.

Matthew flushed adorably(well, in Gilbert's opinion anyway) before saying, "We don't have to go _that _far."

"You're right babe, we can wait until you're ready to go all the way," Gilbert said coyly, slinking an arm around Matthew's waist.

Matthew squealed in indignation, ducking out of Gilbert's hold. "I wasn't talking about that!" he said.

Gilbert laughed. "I know, you're just fun to tease." He winked. Matthew pouted and defiantly looked away. "I wonder what kinds of things this does, though..." He looked down at the infant simulator thoughtfully. He turned to the nearest desk, lifted the baby, and slammed it down.

Immediately, recorded cries of a baby was heard.

"Gilbert!" Matthew shrieked, snatching the doll from the laughing albino and cradling it in his own arms, rocking it back and forth soothingly. When its cries died down, the blond glared at him. "Asshole," he said simply.

"Gilbert, that wasn't very nice, ve~" Feliciano said.

"Gilbert..." Ms. Braginskaya shook her head disappointedly. "Please remember that these dolls record a surprising amount of information, and when you turn it in at the end of the month, you'll get graded on how well you took care of it."

_A full month of this? _Gilbert thought, glaring at the robot baby currently in the center of Matthew's attention. His eyes traveled up to the blond and he softened at the sight. _I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it's with Matthew here..._

"All right, class is dismissed!" Ms. Braginskaya announced. "Please put your names on the dolls and put them in the box. You can pick them up at the end of the day!"

Gilbert couldn't wait to get started.

* * *

**Name: **Matthew Williams**  
Current mood: **Morose**  
Status: **This is all Alfred's fault.

* * *

**Name: **Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Current mood:** Pumped!  
**Status: **This lucky baby has the two most awesome-est people on the planet for its parents!

* * *

**Name: **Alfred F. Jones  
**Status: **Wonder if I should be worried for Mattie...

* * *

**A/N:** This idea's been on my mind for some time. I decided to type it up and...this is what happened. ^^ By the way, some Hetalia characters are going to be teachers and some are going to be students and some are going to be...parents. Depends on what I feel like doing. I'll always put a key at the end of each chapter though, so. =\

Ms. Braginskaya - Ukraine (thanks to Raining Sun for the correction on spelling!)

Unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine. =)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

**Name: **Matthew Williams  
**Location: **In school, calling parents and waiting for Gilbert to show up so we can..._go home _together with our _baby_.  
**Status: **...HELP ME.

* * *

Telling his parents where he was going to be after school wasn't going to be easy. Matthew knew his papa had a habit of immediately assuming that Matthew was 'involved' with whoever his son told him about, boy or girl. Matthew's dad did the complete opposite and was overprotective, event though the Englishman constantly mistook him for Alfred.

Matthew waited for someone to pick up on the other line, kicking at the school's linoleum tiles absently with the toe of his sneakers. Gilbert was in the classroom at the end of the hall, picking up their 'baby,' and Matthew had taken the opportunity to tell his parents.

"_Mon petite Matthieu?_" came a smooth voice of Francis.

"Papa!" Matthew exclaimed in slight surprise. He'd been sure that Arther would be the one to pick up, but he supposed Francis was easier to deal with.

"You called at a bad time, _cher_," Francis chuckled, sounding like he did whenever he got caught in one of his perverted escapades. Matthew fearfully hoped that this wasn't the case...

"Bloody hell!" he heard someone yell in the background. "Who answers the phone in the middle of-"

Matthew blushed in mortification, his imagination getting the best of him and feeding his brain unnecessary images of what could be going on. "I-I'm sorry-"

"_Non_, _non_, what is it?" Francis cut in. "It's your son, Arthur, be patient."

"Tell Alfred that no one wants those greasy globs of fat that he insists upon calling 'food,' " Arthur said irately, loud enough for Matthew to hear.

There was some scuffling, and Matthew heard Francis tell Arthur, "It's your other son, _Matthieu_. Not Alfred."

"Papa," Matthew saw Gilbert start to emerge from the classroom with Ludwig and Feliciano. "I'm going over to a friend's house to work on a project, and I think it's going to take a while." He eyed the robotic baby in Gilbert's hand. _Yes. A long while. _"So I'll most likely be missing dinner-"

"A friend?" Francis inquired, and Matthew could just see his papa's smirking face. "What-"

"OkayIloveyoutoobye!" Matthew said quickly, his words tumbling out fast. He hung up, doubting that Francis caught what he'd said, then remembering what he and Arthur had been probably doing before he called and figured that he wouldn't really care.

"What's up, Birdie?" Gilbert said cheerfully, reaching the Canadian and slinging an arm around his shoulder. "I got our kid." He raised the doll up proudly.

Matthew frowned, trying to glare to make up for the pink hue in his cheeks and failing. "D-don't say it like that."

Gilbert tilted his head to the side. "Like what?" he questioned. The second after, he seemed to forget that Matthew said anything at all. He turned to Ludwig and Feliciano and said, "Okay, you two, this is Matthew, my wife."

"I'm not your _wife_," Matthew scoffed flippantly. He slapped Gilbert's arm, hard, causing the baby to fall down to the floor. "Look what you did," he said to the albino, picking up the doll and rocking it back and forth to soothe its cries.

"_You _hit _me_!" Gilbert protested.

Matthew muttered something darkly in French before turning to Gilbert and saying deliberately slowly, "Look. I didn't ask to be your partner. I was just fine sitting there until someone decent asked me to be partners until you came along."

"Actually, it was more of that other blond's fault," Gilbert said in mock thoughtfulness. "Is he your brother? Anyway, a thank you would suffice. After all, it's not like anyone would have probably come up to you. My awesomeness saved you from embarrassment, honey."

At that, Matthew opened his mouth to retort. Then he remembered that Ludwig and Feliciano were still here, the former looking between Matthew and Gilbert with much bemusement. "I'm not his wife," Matthew said weakly.

Ludwig shook his head. "You two might as well be," he muttered, and sighed. "You are going home with us, Matthew?" he asked.

"I hope so! I wish to spend more time with _Mateo_, ve!" Feliciano piped up, looping his arm with Ludwig happily. "It's so nice to make new friends."

Matthew coughed. "I was in all of your classes last year, Feli," he said to the Italian.

Feliciano looked confused. Ludwig sighed and muttered something in German before saying, "He probably does not remember. Scarcely anything gets through his head and actually sticks."

"Ve!"

"Hello?" Gilbert cut in, sounding irritated. He waved a hand. "We're all walking towards the car now..." He made wild motions towards the exit of the school. "That's your cue! Start walking!"

Matthew rolled his eyes but started walking anyway, still holding the baby doll(he noted with a small snicker that it was even wearing a fake diaper). He'd never wished more for Alfred and his hero complex to come swooping in to save his ass.

* * *

**Name: **Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Location: **In my awesome car

* * *

**Name: **Ludwig Beilschmidt  
**Status: **It's _my _car.

* * *

**Name: **Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status: **Oh, shut up

* * *

The Escalade was sleek and black and it was Gilbert's prized possession, even though it was _technically _his (younger)brother's. Hey, it wasn't his fault that Mom and Dad never trusted him behind the wheel!

"Ladies first," Gilbert said sweetly, opening one of the passenger doors and bowing before Matthew.

Matthew hit him condescendingly on the head with the doll and climbed in. "I'm still not your wife," he said, patting the baby a few times on its back to stop its crying.

"Well, shit," Gilbert said in contempt, clambering in after the blond. "Does this mean our kid's a bastard?"

"You are taking this _far _too seriously," Matthew muttered under his breath. At Gilbert's, "We still need to give it a name!" he added, "I rest my case."

From the shotgun seat, Feliciano decided to join in their conversation. "Gilbert's right, _Mateo_," he said, nodding. "You should give your baby a name! Luddy and I've already decided that we'd name ours Johnny."

"Why does _everyone _call me that?" Ludwig asked as he maneuvered the car out of the school's parking lot. "I have a real - Hey! We didn't agree on... What kind of a name is Johnny anyway?"

Gilbert snickered. "Aw, is Luddy _blushing_?" He reached through the sides of the driver's seat and hugged his younger brother from behind.

"Gilbert!" Ludwig roared. "I'm driving! Hands off when I'm driving!"

"But Ludwig," Matthew could hear the pout in Feliciano's voice, "you didn't complain when I did it!"

Matthew couldn't help himself; he laughed as well, even though Ludwig's face was as red as a tomato and the German was probably feeling very miserable. _Well_, Matthew thought, glancing at a guffawing Gilbert, _anyone would be if they were related to _him.

"So, birdie." And then Gilbert was leaning very close to him and Matthew squeaked in surprise. Gilbert grinned, showing teeth. "Let's pick a name." His arm snaked around Matthew's waist and Matthew thought that he was going to hug him, but Gilbert only held up the baby doll to his face. _Oh, he was doing that._

"Y-you can pick," Matthew stammered, wondering two things at this point:

1) Could Ludwig and Feliciano see them? (And if they could, why weren't they stopping it!)

2) Why wasn't Gilbert moving away already?

"Aw, but I want it to be a name we both like," Gilbert said, smirking, and Matthew was aware that there was a hand currently creeping up his shirt.

"Yori!" Matthew nearly shouted, voice sounding near hysteria. He slapped Gilbert's hand away and attempted to knee him in the groin for good measure, but the albino was already too far away. "Let's name the baby Yori."

"Yori?" Gilbert repeated. "That sounds...foreign."

Matthew managed a nod. "It's Japanese," he said, pulling out all of the information from a Japanese after-school activity he'd taken. "It means trust." Something that they clearly lacked... _I wonder if it's the norm for him to be this perverted to people he just met_, Matthew thought as he examined Gilbert's reaction.

"Hm." Gilbert looked down at the baby, touching one of its fingers absently.

Ludwig's eyes flashed to the rear-view mirror at the sudden silence. "Everything okay back there?" he asked gruffly.

"Yori," Gilbert said, trying the name out. "It sounds girly, but the awesome me likes its meaning."

Matthew nodded jerkily. At least that was now done and over with. He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses.

"So." Suddenly, Gilbert was in his personal space and grinning again and this time the hand was resting lazily on the Canadian's waist. "Let's decide what gender it is."

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status: **Seriously, someone help me

* * *

**Name: **Alfred F. Jones  
**Status: **You okay, bro?

* * *

**Name: **Matthew Williams  
**Status: **I may die within the next three hours, Al

* * *

**Name: **Alfred F. Jones  
**Current mood: **Ecstatic  
**Status: **Sweet! Does this mean I can sell your polar bear thing?

* * *

**Name: **Matthew Williams  
**Location: **Gilbert's house**  
Status: **Dick.

* * *

Five minutes and a slap mark later, Gilbert emerged from the car with a very, very wide grin on his face. You know, despite his reddening cheek. Feliciano came out a few seconds later and asked him, "What happened?"

"I kissed Matthew's cheek and he slapped me." Gilbert sounded pleased with himself.

Feliciano smiled. "That's very sweet, but you shouldn't touch others if they don't want you to, ve," he said. "C'mon, Luddy, Johnny's getting hungry!" He bounded up to the house's front door.

Matthew was next to come out of the car. "Actually listen to him this time," he snapped, having heard what Feliciano had said. With another glare at Gilbert, he stalked after Feliciano, a dark aura practically glowing around him.

"Do you want him to hate you?" Ludwig asked.

Gilbert was surprised at the sound of the younger man's voice, but he shrugged indifferently. "I can't help it," he said honestly.

"If you two are going to be partners for one month, I suggest you _don't _hate each other," Ludwig said with a small shake of his head, walking after Feliciano. "It's time for you to grow up, Gilbert. Go apologize to the kid." Without another word, he followed Matthew and Feliciano up to the house, taking out his house keys.

* * *

**Name: **Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status: **Well, I guess an apology is in order...

* * *

**A/N: **Chapter two~ I hope Germany sounds IC, 'cause I have no idea how to write him, at all. :\ Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback on the last chapter! I'm happy to be meeting new people in this fandom, since I'm fairly new here. ^^

See you in chapter three~


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I just realized how snarky I make Canada. It's just that I don't really see this story working out with him being shy all the time... So, if anyone has a problem, tell me~ He's gonna be snarky for the rest of this fic. ^^

Lastly, late and short update is late and short! I hope you enjoy anyway~

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**. . .**

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Current mood:** Weirded out  
**Status:** It's actually capable of _eating_?

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Yep. Oh, and peeing and pooping, too.

* * *

It was thirty minutes prior to when they'd first arrived at the Beilschmidt household. After Gilbert apologized to Matthew(rather badly, too), and Matthew figuring that it was the best he was going to get, the four had split up. Ludwig and Feliciano were currently upstairs while Gilbert and Matthew came down to the basement. They mostly fooled around, figuring out what the fake baby was capable of doing, until Matthew spotted a small gap in the baby's lips and suggested that they might have to feed him.

"That's ridiculous," Gilbert snorted, but then the baby started crying, so he said, "Let's give it a try."

Matthew tried to soothe the baby's cries as Gilbert went to find something for it to eat. When Gilbert returned, Matthew had his pinky finger jammed into the baby's mouth.

"What are you doing to Yori?" Gilbert exclaimed, feigning dramatic surprise.

Matthew looked up with a small smile. "It stops crying if you feed it something," he explained. "But since it's, you know, fake, it can't tell what you're putting in its mouth is actually food or not."

Gilbert looked down at the cup of Jello that he'd taken the time to mash into smaller bits. "Let's try it anyway," he said, grinning.

Using a small spoon, Gilbert scooped some Jello onto it, then raised it to the baby's lips. Matthew was still holding it, so Gilbert had to be rather close...

Suddenly Matthew's face flushed. "W-what are you doing to my arm?" he asked.

Gilbert, who'd innocently placed on Matthew's forearm, withdrew. "You should be thankful that the awesome me has touched you," he said, trying to make up for the fact that he was blushing too.

"Just feed him," Matthew shot back, holding the baby out.

"Okay, mommy."

"_What_?"

* * *

**Name: **Matthew Williams  
**Status:** Now a mother, as self-proclaimed by Gilbert.

* * *

**Name:** Feliciano Vargas  
**Status:** You never know! Maybe Gil was the one who gave birth, ve~

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** You're all just jealous! Jealous!

* * *

"I can't believe this," Matthew said, tone incredulous as he examined the dampening diaper on their 'baby.' "It's pooping." He set it down on the table before turning it over. Then, he undid the diaper from the baby's hips and peeled it off to reveal a big green spot dead center of the diaper. "That's disgusting," Matthew said pointedly.

Gilbert snickered, albeit childishly. "It looks like he pooped puke," he giggled. Well, it was true. The fact that green Jello was still oozing out of the doll's butt wasn't helping.

"Very mature, Gil." Matthew glanced worriedly as the Jello eventually stopped running. "I have decided to never have children in the future," he mused out loud. "Where's your bathroom?" After all, they were going to need more makeshift diapers. Unless they wanted to hold the baby over the trash can while they 'fed it...'

Why was he even worrying about this? He already knew that they could just stick one of their fingers into its mouth and it would stop bawling.

_But that's no fun!_

Matthew was startled to be thinking that last thought. Surely he-

"-Oh, bathroom's over there. Anyway, where was I? Right!" Oh, it was Gilbert who'd said that. "We'll be married when we get a kid, so you wouldn't have to worry since I'm so awesome."

Matthew followed the direction that Gilbert had pointed to and entered their bathroom. "I'm so glad that this thing doesn't have some sort of recording device in it," he said with a sigh, tearing off some toilet paper and folding it into the best diaper he could do. He was about to ask for some tape when he sensed Gilbert in the doorway.

The albino smiled sheepishly. "Actually..."

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones**  
Current mood:** Psyched**  
Status:** Duuude! This doll's gonna pick up soooo many perverted conversations! XD

* * *

**Name:** Kiku Honda  
**Status:** Whatever do you mean, Alfred-san?

* * *

**Name:** Lovino Vargas  
**Status:** Damn that teacher! There's actually a recording machine in this devil's incarnate!

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** Chill, it's only a doll

* * *

**Name:** Feliciano Vargas  
**Status:** And don't worry Lovi, it only turns on at random times and doesn't record for more than two minutes at a time! Mrs. Braginskaya said so, ve~! :)

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** I trust Feli here, 'cause I know he was totally listening. I'm just too awesome for those kinds of things.

* * *

**Name: **Ludwid Beilschmidt  
**Current mood:** Smug  
**Status:** Oh yes, you were too busy ogling that blond, weren't you?

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Current mood:** Defiant**  
Status:** Was not! Fuck you :{

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Current mood: **Uncomfortable

* * *

The moment Matthew stepped into the kitchen, he was tackled by an Italian and almost dropped the doll. "Hi, Feliciano..." the Canadian said, awkwardly patting the other's back.

"You can call me Feli, ve," Feliciano said, pulling back with a wide smile. "Sorry! I thought you were Ludwig!" He looked embarrassed for about three seconds before his attention moved to somewhere else.

"Feliciano? Are you in here?" The heavy Germant accent made Matthew turn. "Oh, hello...um..." Ludwig scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration.

Almost automatically, Matthew supplied, "Matthew."

"Right." Ludwig nodded. "I apologize, I am not good with names." Then he seemed to completely forget Matthew and turned to Feliciano, holding out their own baby in his hands. "Feliciano, you said you were going to feed it, but then you forgot it back in the other room."

As the two began to have a conversation as if Matthew had turned invisible, Gilbert walked in, stopped, and frowned. "Hey Luddy, why're you always lecturing me on having better manners when you're ignoring birdie here?" he demanded loudly, causing Matthew to jump in surprise.

"Birdie?" Ludwig asked.

"I think he's talking about him, ve," Feliciano said, gesturing to Matthew. The flyaway curl that stuck out from the rest of the Italian's hair bounced as he went to rummage around in the refrigerator.

Gilbert hooked his arm around Matthew's. "C'mon birdie, we're gonna go somewhere we're _appreciated_," he said with an exaggerated harrumph.

Then he dragged Matthew out of the kitchen and back down to the basement, with Matthew protesting the whole way, "My name's _Matthew_!"

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** At least he notices me.

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** Aw, that's so sweet! Mattie finally got a boyfriend~!

* * *

Alfred was long used to the fact that his brother was gay. When the younger had come out to him when they were halfway through middle school, it only made Alfed more protective. Said protectiveness showed when he looked out of the window to see his brother coming out of a car, smile, wave to whoever was in the car, and start walking to the front door.

Quickly, Alfred dashed to the door, opening it just as Matthew was taking out his keys. Time for big brother bear to shine(oh, how he loved American sayings).

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** Wait, boyfriend? Who is it?

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Current mood: **Elated

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** Dude! You're never elated! Who is he?

* * *

**Name: **Matthew Williams  
**Current mood:** Ecstatic

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** Mattie! you're scaring me!

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Current mood:** Orgasmic

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** why r you doing this to your big bro? :( I still have dad's pistol, you know!

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** Laughing my ass off :)

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** You suuuuuck


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4  
**

**. . .**

The first thing that Matthew heard when he stepped into the house was his brother screaming, "We have to do it, Dad! For Mattie! _Think of the children!_"

"I _am_ thinking of the nonexistent children when I say _no_, we are not doing it," he heard Arthur, his dad, reply. "Leave your brother alone." They were talking about him? Huh. Usually they only talked about him when Alfred was trying to frame him for something that he'd done...

"_Oui. _I think it is marvelous that Matthew is making new friends," Francis agreed. Matthew had a habit of sometimes calling him Papa to distinguish him from Arthur.

Matthew could just imagine Alfred about to start rambling in his defense, so he decided to step into the kitchen. "I'm home," he said curtly, letting his backpack slide from his shoulder down to his hand. He slung it onto his chair before looking at the others. "What's gotten into Al's head now?"

It took a few moments for his family to register that Matthew was standing in front of them. Matthew was used to it though, so he didn't mind too much. Once Alfred seemed to get over the fact that it had _not_ been a ghost that had just carried in a backpack and it was, in fact, his brother, he quickly recomposed himself. Then he grabbed Matthew's shoulders, giving them a rough shake, his blue eyes wild. "Mattie!" he exclaimed. "You're going to be kidnapped, but Dad doesn't care!"

Matthew looked to the side at his father questioningly. "Kidnapped?"

"It's not that I don't care, pet," that was one of Arthur's weird pet names for him, "but I trust that you're mature enough to make a better decision than going off with some stranger."

* * *

**Name: **Matthew Williams  
**Status:** ...as opposed to Alfred.

* * *

**Name: **Arthur Kirkland  
**Status:** As opposed to Alfred.

* * *

**Name: **Francis Bonnefoy  
**Status:** As opposed to Alfred, oui.

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** Man, everyone's always ganging up on me. :(

* * *

"Of course I'm not going to go off with some stranger," Matthew answered solemnly.

Alfred frowned. "But you got out of that car," he said, voice on the verge of sounding hysterical. "If you missed the bus, you know that I have a car, bro. You should start coming home with me. I don't get why you like the bus so much..."

"Al, Gilbert was just dropping me off." Matthew took his brother's hands from his shoulders and eased them off slowly. "My partner for that project in child development class. You know, the one _you_ suggested I should work with?"

There was a pause. Matthew heard a smack; he presumed it was Arthur doing a face-palm.

"Huh. That's true." Alfred laughed loudly. "Never mind, then! You're good, Mattie!" He flashed his million-watt smile at his two dads. "I have homework. Let me know when dinner's ready!"

"I'm cooking tonight," Arthur announced just as Alfred reached the foot of the stairs.

Another pause.

Matthew's eyes met his brother's. "I'll get the phone, you look up the number for that pizza shop downtown," Matthew said.

"Right." Alfred turned and instead started walking for the computer that they kept in the basement.

"Bloody ungrateful gits," Arthur muttered.

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** I worry for my child.

* * *

Matthew hadn't been too sure of the idea of letting Gilbert keep the baby until the next morning. "Don't worry, ve!" Feliciano said merrily as he walked with the blond down the halls towards their next class. "Gilbert can be very responsible when he puts his mind to it." The Italian smiled. "And I can tell that he cares very much for this project, so you don't have to worry."

That last sentence made Matthew stop mid-step. He absently reached up to smooth an errant curl down, only to have it spring back up again. _Gilbert...cares?_ "I want to get a good grade too," Matthew said to Feliciano, resuming his walking.

Feliciano blinked, looking troubled. "I didn't-"

"Hey birdie! The awesome's here!" Gilbert crowed loudly, unexpectedly bursting between the two friends. "And I brought our kid, so you can stop worrying." He grinned toothily, shaking the robot baby in Matthew's face.

Matthew wondered if his worry was really that evident. "Good, all limbs are still intact," he said.

Gilbert feigned hurt. "You wound me with your harsh words," he sighed dramatically, swaying against Feliciano. Then he accidentally dropped the baby for the Matthew-wondered-how-many-times and cursed. "It's okay!" he declared, picking it up.

Why did that seem so endearing? Matthew felt his own cheek subconsciously, wondering if he was blushing.

"After you, princess." Matthew became aware that they'd reached the child development classroom and stopped. Gilbert was holding the door open. Feliciano had already went in, and now the albino smirked at him.

"I liked the other nickname better," Matthew mumbled, ducking his head and hopefully hiding his blush. Though he figured it wasn't the best thing to say, because Gilbert chuckled and said, "So I can keep calling you birdie?"

Matthew didn't get to answer(which would have been a no, by the way); Ms. Braginskaya entered the room with her usual bright smile and all talking hushed. As she started to explain that they would be practicing feeding a baby today, Matthew felt the all-too familiar sensation of a pencil being dragged down his neck.

God _damn_ it.

Weren't he and Gilbert friends already? Or was this how the German("Prussian!") treated everyone?

Matthew shook his head slightly, pushing back a strand of his wavy blond hair, and grimaced when the pencil harassment only continued. He took off the eraser cap for his mechanical pencil - he never liked having to sharpen pencils constantly - and tossed it over his shoulder, hoping to have hit Gilbert.

In reply, a bird-shaped eraser landed on Matthew's desk.

Matthew was contemplating on breaking the eraser in half and throwing it back to show Gilbert what could happen to him if he didn't stop, but Ms. Braginskaya had announced that it was their turn to practice feeding. Matthew had an 'oh-crap-I-wasn't-listening' moment while the teacher handed out small spoons that they'd be using to 'feed' their child. Once they got their spoon, the students got up to find their partner. Eventually Matthew twisted around in his seat to face Gilbert, who had an insufferable smile on his face.

"Stop touching me," Matthew said firstly and pointedly, cheeks taking on a pink hue when he realized how strange his command sounded.

"The pencil is touching you, not me." Leave it to Gilbert to argue. Honestly, Matthew just didn't want to explode in the middle of class and start ranting at the albino. "So, tell me why you and Jones don't have the same last names even though you're brothers." He placed the baby on his desk before pausing to arch an eyebrow at Matthew. "You can't just sit there. Sit over here instead."

"Alfred and I are adopted," Matthew answered. "And there's no room."

"Sit on my lap, then." Gilbert was grinning again and he really wasn't expecting Matthew to take him seriously. However, the Canadian got up and moved to sit in the albino's chair with him, ending up half sitting in Gilbert's lap. Which, strangely, brought an onslaught of joyous feelings from Gilbert.

"Anyway," Matthew continued, as if the circumstances were not as awkward, "Alfred had already been adopted, and I was adopted a little while after. My dads were from a small town, so when they got married, they tried keeping it quiet and kept their own last names."

"That still doesn't explain why you and Alfred have different last names," Gilbert reminded him. He picked up the spoon and inspected it with mild interest.

Matthew passed over the doll. "Feed it," he said. "And the different-last-names thing kind of stuck, so we keep our respective last names." He was a little wary of the fact that Gilbert made no comment about him having two dads, but he said nothing about that. "Sometimes I use Bonnefoy-Kirkland, though."

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Learning things about my interesting new toy

* * *

**Name: **Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** Hurt Mattie and I'll hack off your balls!

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** As long as I'm not a Barbie, I'm okay.

* * *

"Hey." The boy had blond hair like Matthew's, except lighter, and it stuck straight up in the air like some sort of stiff paintbrush. "My partner's not here today, so I'm s'posed to stick with you guys for the rest of class."

"Hi Lars," Matthew greeted, smiling shyly. The change of attitude was so sudden that Gilbert almost pinched himself. "Who's your partner?"

Gilbert decided then that he did not like this Lars person. And no, not just because Matthew was blushing and had scooted away from Gilbert as much as he could in their limited space. Of course not.

"My sister," Lars was answering.

"Sister?" Gilbert cut in. "That's...weird."

Lars laughed. "I know. But I don't know a lot of people in this class, and I saw that you were already Matthew's partner, so I decided to be partners with Laura." He shrugged. "I figured it would help our awkward relationship, even though I don't think it's really working."

Matthew's heart fluttered. Lars had wanted to be his partner? "I'm sure you and your sister will get along again," he offered.

"Me too, kid." Lars then leaned forward curiously. "What's supposed to be happening here?"

"We're feeding our baby," Gilbert and Matthew answered simultaneously and unintentionally. Matthew's cheeks flushed and he turned away.

"You two are hilarious," Lars snickered.

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Matthew's MY partner! HA.

* * *

**Name:** Ludwig Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Bruder, was it really necessary to declare that to the world?

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Yes

* * *

Gilbert watched in, yes he admitted it, envy as Matthew laughed at Lars's expression when he figured out that the baby 'pooped.' Gilbert would be willing to bet that Matthew had some sort of crush on the older student(and he would be willing to lose said bet).

Later, after a semi-casual conversation with Alfred about Matthew, Gilbert discovered that the Canadian _did_ have some sort of admiration for Lars.

After ranting(a.k.a.: saying not very nice things about people who should not be named, ahem, _Lars_) to Gillbird when he got home, Gilbert threw himself on the sofa and threw a brief temper tantrum, glad that Matthew had volunteered to take the doll home for the weekend. The recording device would have probably caught some nasty language on tape if it had been with Gilbert.

Then, the Prussian jolted upwards on the sofa, eyes bright.

And so Gilbert went about on setting his plan in motion, which first required flowers. Lots and lots of flowers.

* * *

**A/N:** At this point I'm still unsure of what do to with the Neth/Can relationship, so you readers can perceive it in anyway you want to for now. Or you can go ahead and overreact like Gil and make some totally crazy plan that will happen in the next chapter 'cause I'm kinda sleepy. :\

I fail at updating in a timely manner, so...I'll see you guys in the next update!

p.s. Laura is Belgium~


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

. . .

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** This. Baby. Won't. Stop. Crying.

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Aw sorry birdie, I know you need your beauty sleep. I'll make up for it tomorrow, I promise! D:

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** Oh, god. Why does it feel like you "making it up to me" will only end us up in detention or something?

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status: **And did you just say "beauty sleep?"

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** Gil?

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** GILBERT.

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Status:** OH HEY MATTIE! YOU'RE STILL AWAKE?

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** Yes, and you should know, considering the fact that we're in the same house.

* * *

**Name:** Alfred F. Jones  
**Current mood:** Sad

* * *

**Name:** Matthew Williams  
**Status:** Go to sleep, Alfred.

* * *

Matthew woke up in the morning to the (irritating) beeping of his alarm clock, his head pounding with a less-than-desirable headache. He groped blindly at the bedside table and finally found the alarm clock; he slammed a hand down on it rather violently.

"Kill me," he groaned, flopping over and burying his face into his pillow.

The baby simulator hadn't stopped crying until well past one in the morning. More than several times, Francis and Arthur had come in and asked if they could leave it outside for the night - well, Arthur did. Francis had mumbled, "Isn't there an off button? _Mon dieu_" while Arthur suggested irately, "Throw the bloody thing out the window and leave it there for the night."

But Matthew had persevered. After numerous diaper changes, the doll finally quieted, and Matthew had been allowed his well-deserved sleep.

Of course, though, that happiness didn't really last long; his fist slamming (and probably breaking) the alarm clock acted as a trigger for the doll. A few seconds later, it started wailing.

Matthew hissed some curses in French, wrenching himself into an upright position. At least it was Friday. Gilbert was _so_ taking the thing home during the weekend.

"Mattie!" came his brother's voice from next door. There were a few thuds as he presumably pounded his fist against the wall. "Make it _stop._" He made sure to put on his best whiny voice.

"I'm trying," replied Matthew tiredly. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up, glaring at the doll. It was on the floor, its eyes glowing dimly as shrieks emitted from its perpetually gaping mouth. It was in the same position as it had fallen in when Matthew tried to stuff it into his drawer.

(It didn't fit, so he just left it on the floor.)

"There, there," he cooed. He picked up the "poor" thing and cradled it in his arms. "Do you want some milk, baby?" He exited his room in favor of searching for water in the kitchen.

Arthur was already there, drinking a glass of orange juice. The Englishman's expression turned pained when he saw Matthew enter. "Does that thing ever stop crying?" he asked, eye twitching dangerously.

"As soon as I feed it something." Matthew set it on the counter and opening the refrigerator. Arthur watched curiously as the boy poured himself a glass of orange juice, then proceeded to slide the liquid into the doll's hand.

The action was even complete with comforting pats and Matthew whispering, "There, there" as the crying ceased.

Arthur couldn't help but smile. "You look like you'd be able to handle yourself well."

In return, Matthew flashed him a look that said "What-are-you-talking-about-don't-you-see-these-bags-under-my-eyes?"

"Morning, Dad!" Alfred bounded into the kitchen with a happy grin plastered onto his face. "Aw, you're feeding it!" He beamed at the sight of his little brother feeding his so-called child.

Matthew huffed, setting the glass of empty orange juice down. "Where's yours?" he asked, too tired to argue.

"Kiku took it home with him," Alfred replied. He swung himself onto a barstool. "He's so polite, man. He won't stop calling our baby 'Johnny-kun.' "

"It sounds like you two get along, though," Matthew said wistfully. He sighed and shook his head to himself. "I'm gonna go change. Can you drive me to school today? I think that if I bring the doll on the bus, it'll just cry the whole time..."

Alfred grinned broadly. "Of course!" he said, glad that he could finally feel like a proud big brother. Oh, Alfred. Such little things brought great joy to him at times.

Matthew smiled. "Thanks, Al." He shuffled out of the kitchen back to his room to change.

At least the baby wasn't crying anymore.

* * *

**Name:** Ludwig Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Someone please tell me what I've done to deserve this.

* * *

**Name:** Gilbert Beilschmidt  
**Status:** Oh just start driving, Luddy! We have to get to school before Matt!

* * *

Students found themselves being rudely pushed aside as one Gilbert Beilschmidt dashed hurriedly throughout the halls. "Move it, people!" Gilbert shouted encouragingly on his mad race to Matthew's locker. "I'm a man on a mission!"

"Ow!"

"Hey, watch it!"

"Why is he carrying those flowers...?"

Oh, right. He was also carrying an armful of tulips(because he'd manage to wheedle out of Lars via sucking up that Matthew liked tulips). _701, 701, come on, where are you..._

In between red petals, he finally caught sight of the shiny metal plate that read those three numbers. It was a bottom locker, and Gilbert had to kneel down to be level with it. He had rested the overflowing bouquet of red tulips on the floor and was about to break into the locker when there came a cough from behind him.

When he turned, lo and behold, there was Matthew, standing there with their baby in hand. "Um, hi, Gil?" he said slowly, expression uncomfortable.

Fuck. There went that plan. "Hey, birdie!" Gilbert grinned, determined to make the best of what he had left of the plan. "I heard you liked tulips, so I got some for you!" He gathered the flowers into his arms again before presenting him to the standing boy.

"F-For me?" Matthew looked caught off-guard, and there was a softness in his eyes that Gilbert had never seen before. He liked it. "Thanks, Gilbert..." He accepted the flowers into his arms, almost dropping the doll in the process. Then he smiled, and Gilbert stopped himself from swooning because that was unawesome.

Instead, he just widened his grin. "Well, you're my wife now, after all!" he said cheekily.

He was expecting a snarky reply from the Canadian, but Matthew just laughed. "I guess so," he said, mirth dancing in his eyes.

Gilbert was content with basking in the limelight forevermore, but a third voice cut in, "Oh, what do we have here?" Both boys turned their heads and saw Lars standing there, a half smile on his face. His hair was as messy as ever. "Looks like you two are getting along."

_Yep, we're getting alone just fine,_ Gilbert thought in a fit of...joyous rage? Did such an emotion even exist? "So, birdie," he said, trying to ignore how Matthew suddenly seemed more interested in gawking at Lars.

"Hm?" Matthew turned back to him, a dazed smile on his lips.

Gilbert wanted that smile to be directed at him and no one else. "Since we're the parents of that baby and shit, I was wondering if you'd want to stay at my house over the weekend."

Lars was called away by his sister. To Gilbert's delight, Matthew didn't seem to notice now.

"We have a spare bedroom," he continued. "Though if you want, you can always stay with me in my room." He couldn't help but chuckle perversely.

To his surprise, Matthew agreed. He'd knelt down to open his locker and put away the tulips. "As long as you promise not to try anything weird, eh?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Gilbert said solemnly. He was tempted to salute, but refrained.

Matthew glanced up at him and smiled again. "That sounds great then," he said, voice suddenly turning shy.

Gilbert just wanted to squish that adorable Canadian. "Awesome!" he crowed. "You can hitch a ride home with me, Luddy, and Feli again!"

"Gil, I'll have to get some things if I'm going to sleep over..."

"Oh, right!"

Matthew laughed at him, but Gilbert was too busy bursting with excitement. At that moment, he couldn't even bring himself to mentally gloat at Lars. His mission was accomplished: Matthew Williams was officially staying at his house over the weekend.

* * *

**A/N:** I plan for some more deeper stuff to happen at that sleepover. Getting to know each other better and whatnot. And maybe some fluff, who knows? :D

/trying to act casually about how long I've been ignoring this poor story


End file.
